Sunday, January 15, 2012

Trying to explain to well-meaning people

I can't believe I haven't posted yet in 2012. Time sure is flying by right now.

I had my most recent set of biopsies in December with the stitches out on January 3rd.  The news was as mixed as all the previous ones.  50% benign and 50% dysplastic.  These "changed" ones were intermediate grade which does nothing to alleviate my concerns. Le sigh!  Another round of biopsies already scheduled in April. (Melanoma clinic in February)

So, my point in mentioning this was my difficulty in explaining my disease to well-meaning people.  I covered the wound on my face for the first week to keep from freaking people out.  After that, it was healed enough that I didn't any more.  You could occasionally see the stitches and that brought the questions.  I know people mean well, and I totally understand and appreciate their concern.  I just get stuck about how to answer their questions.

If you are a melanoma warrior, you know them well.  I explain I have melanoma and they ask,
* That's JUST skin cancer right?  (There's no JUST about it)
* Why are you doing biopsies instead of radiation or chemo to treat it? (Not my course of treatment now)
* Are you in remission? ("There's no remission" brings...) I thought all cancers have remission?
* Did you tan a lot as a kid? (Insert condescending tone here.....) Of course I did, we all did. We didn't know then what I know now and many still don't believe.

And so on.  I don't want to not answer questions, I guess I just haven't found the finesse to do it well.  I want people to understand how deadly this is and how they might avoid it, all without scaring them.   On my tough days, I remind myself that 3 people I know have had suspicious moles checked out and all were benign.  And every one of them thanked me for inspiring them to go.

I guess I'm just venting more than anything right now because this disease doesn't have any easy answers. For me. For my family. And for people who mean well and want to learn.