One thing I hear consistently from melanoma warriors is worry about time. We are worried about when the monster will come back. How long will treatment take? How much time do I have to do x? Time is a funny and scary prospect for anyone who's been told they have melanoma.
I'm one of the lucky ones. My original time schedule was several weeks for removal procedures and a couple of months of recovery. I did not have to tick off time for radiation or chemo. I did not have to tick off time waiting to see how invaded my body was. I was a lucky one. I pray for those who haven't been.
This doesn't mean that I've made peace with time though. Every three months, I have to go back for a few more biopsies. It used to be 6 months, but my time scale changed with the sighting of the monster hiding. I haven't made peace with time because the statistics say I'll have another re-occurrence within the next 2 years. I can't decide if this means I want time to speed up to prove those odds don't apply to me or for time to slow down so I have more of it to find and remove the monster lurking. There's no peace with time for me yet.
I'm staring down the clock for my next round of biopsies. I haven't been this nervous since the round after my original diagnosis. This set will be my first after finding the early stages of the monster this summer. It's nerve racking. I want my appointment to be here now and then I don't want to go at all.
Time is either my best friend or my worst enemy. After 3 years, I still haven't decided which one.
