It's harder to post now that I'm back to teaching. Again, I'm reminded how lucky I am that the worst of my battle took place over the summer. I can't imagine making weekly or twice weekly appointments right now.
My scars are healing. I hit a patch last week where all of them were a little more sore. I think that's just the natural progression of healing. They are much more purple tinted now, so they are more noticeable. Again, it's a step in the right direction even though they look worse.
I'm settling in to my new normal some as well. I still spend way too much time in front of a mirror looking at my skin wondering if "this spot is going to kill me?" It's not a fun way to live and my stretches of morbid thoughts are getting a little further apart. I know that's part of the mental healing that goes with the disease but it still stinks to wonder if you're own skin will kill you.
My next appointment is 2 months away and right now, I'm not feeling the need to see her sooner. I keep reminding myself that she felt the highest risk spots are gone and that 3 months won't be life risking. I'm noticing that days are the easiest times to reassure myself and the worst is those final minutes as I fall asleep. My nights are getting more restful but the dreams are still turbulent and troubling. I'm up during the night less and that reminds me I'm mentally healing even though I might not see it.
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