Making assumptions

This journey has been a not so comfortable reminder about making assumptions.  I can hear my mother's voice saying, "You know making an assumption makes something out of you and me." (My mother NEVER swore until I was an adult).  So, every time I hear the word I wonder who is being made an a$$ out of... and lately, it's been me.

I'd like to think that I never took anything for granted before mid June.  Yep, that was a not so nice slap across the face of realization.  I sure take a lot less things for granted now that I view the world through different eyes.  Melanoma shaded eyes.

When I had the first biopsy done of the site, it was the usual nickel sized wound.  When the doctor told me I'd need another excision, I thought it'd take 10-20 minutes and leave me with a quarter sized wound. Oh ya, you've seen the pictures...... I was the a$$ in that scenario. In my own defense, I had just heard the words "malignant melanoma," aka "you have cancer."  It still doesn't excuse my inability to ask what this procedure entailed.

So I walked in the doc's office completely oblivious about what was to come.  I walked out 3 hours later just stunned at the amount of work that had just happened to my body.  It was a very painful reminder of "Ask the question."

Every time I get uncomfortable asking a question and speaking up for my care, I remind myself of that experience.  I need to know what is going on with me and lately, I have fully realized I DESERVE to know what is going on with me.  I am fighting for my life. Some how, some way, I need those answers. I can't assume that I am in the 90% of the statistical survival rate for my initial biopsy.  I need the answers, not assumptions, that I will not be in the 10% mortality rate.  And that's assuming they do not find any other melanoma locations on the skin or lymph node issues.  (No, I'm not assuming I'm clear until I see benign listed on lots of medical reports)

So, one last assumption..... I will survive melanoma.  In this situation, the a$$ is going to be the disease. It assumed it could beat me and I have no intention of letting it.  Melanoma picked the wrong girl to assume it could take out.