Another procedure done

Being a cancer survivor/patient really, really sucks some days. And I say that from a totally selfish place of never having had to go through radiation or chemo.  But it still sucks.  Period.

This afternoon was my appointment for the second procedure to remove an area that had been biopsied 3 weeks ago.  Here's the information: The original site was biopsied about a year ago. That biopsy showed a moderately dyplastic mole.  In the time since then, the mole "re-appeared" or re-grew back. So, another biopsy.  This biopsy showed the new growth was still moderately dysplastic but without clear margins.  Hence the new 1 inch long scar I'm now sporting.

The  numbing agent has not yet worn off but I can feel the tight skin of an area that will take some time to adjust.  It's on my lower back, right under my waistband, and I have no doubt I'll be constantly reminded how much I bend this area in the week to come.  Not fun but the life I lead now. AKA: Cancer sucks.

The part of the visit that really sucks was discussing the other results.  All three sites were moderately dysplastic. Not mild, not low, not high just 3/4 up the scale of nastiness.  And I don't like it.  My odds of 50% benign results seems to be fading.... and my results of "low" dyplastic moles seems to be fading.  And I don't like it. The optimist in me says we are clearly targeting the sites that need to be removed.  The pessimist in me says, "What about the ones being missed?"  There's no good answer here except cancer sucks!

Since this is a selfish post, I'm just going to go with it.  I hate, absolutely hate, that I cannot simply remove the offending cancerous organ and move on.  I'll admit (in my weak moments) that I'm jealous of my mom who had cancer and it is clearly gone now after she had her kidney removed.  Do I want to trade places with her? No, absolutely not because that was her only working kidney and now she's on dialysis for 4+ years until she can get a transplant.  (A post for another day).  I wish I were like the boys' lizard who sheds her skin for a new one.  Or why isn't there a procedure that would make my offending moles glow under a specific light?  Yes, I hate this. Cancer sucks and I don't have to like it.

I don't complain often but today I need to.  There's no fun in this battle.  On a good day, I know I'm winning and I'm fighting the good fight but sometimes, down in the trenches, it just flat out sucks!  And I don't have to like it.  I just have to survive it..... and I AM!