Stitches out, lab report in

Today was the day I finally got the stitches out on my back.  Sigh!  Having a wound right at your waistline is not fun.  Unfortunately, the skin isn't totally stretched out yet, so I have to be careful to not bend too far forward too fast and pull it open.  The joys of asking your skin to cover for you.. literally.

Last week, while on vacation, I got the phone call that the second (third really) biopsy at that site finally had clear margins.  In my previous post I talked about not getting any details or the lab reports.  Well, I got them today and I'm glad I didn't.  Today, I'm in the healing phase, I'm moving on but seeing how close the monster was in black and white is still terrifying and sucks.

The short version of the lab report showed that I had "moderate cytologic atypia of the epidermal melanocytes" and all other sorts of fancy words about my "moderately atypical dysplastic compound nevus."  Are your eyes rolling in the back of your head yet? Basically, a "mole" that was less than a year old had changed at the cellular level and was progressing at a rate that would have probably been melanoma soon.  Way too soon. I've already done a lot of research and stopped when one report showed that I'm now 46 times more likely to have melanoma reappear that I was before. Some doctors might even label this site "melanoma in situ."  Man, that's even hard to type let alone wrap my head around.  I'm lucky that none of my other biopsy sites show the moles coming back and none had this level of change, especially so quickly.

I'm sitting here trying to process this and feeling like I dodged a huge bullet.  The monster was clearly lurking and growing while I lived my life unaware.  That's so hard to understand and deal with.  Is the monster in another site that I haven't "noticed" yet or was this it?  No one knows. Not me, not the doctors, no one. And that is the frustrating part of having melanoma 3 years ago and finding out that the monster was back hiding in/on you.  As a kid, I thought the monster was under my bed, as an adult I think (and now know, twice) that it's hiding under my skin.

So, there goes my 6 month visits.  I'm back on the three month plan.  I already have my next appointment for early November because I just couldn't do it on Halloween.  Any teacher will tell you that's an amazingly tough day for us and there was no way I'd have the mental strength to handle both a sugar-laden holiday and biopsies on the same day.  I've been through this enough (teaching and biopsies) to know better.  I go back a few days before Veteran's Day. I figure an extra day off never hurt if they have to re-excise something again.  The things you have to think about when this is your life.

My mantra has always been "Not without a fight" and I'm sure not quitting now that I know the monster is still lurking and waiting for me to give up and quit fighting.  Well, the melanoma monster can kiss my a$$ because I'm not done fighting. Especially now.