Making peace with the sun

To say that I have done a lot of research since my initial melanoma diagnosis would be an understatement.  My years of graduate research sure paid off in knowing how to search academic sites.  In these searches, the exposure to the sun and its resulting effects frequently is cited.  I've read studies that show the sun (or its effects) might be responsible for 15-85% of melanoma cases.  And genetics 15-85%.  Not very conclusive. It doesn't give me the easy answers I would like to have.

I will admit that I love the sun.  It took me 6 months to say that easily.  I love to be oustide. I love to garden. I love to run. All while feeling the warming effects of the sun.  And it took me so long to acknowledge that because I now know that that might have caused my melanoma.  And it took me these past 6 months to realize that there is nothing wrong with loving the sun and how it makes me feel.

When I had this realization the other day, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. A big one with multiple axles. The power was admitting that it's ok to like the sun but I have to enjoy it differently now.  I will have to avoid the middle of the day sun.  I need to be so very, very strict about wearing the right kind of sunscreen.  I can't forget my hat anymore.  I save up for UV rated clothing.  These things are very do-able. It means I can easily enjoy the sun without as much guilt as I've faced the last 6 months.  Yes, I would love to just run outside without these thoughts but I can't any more.  I refuse to feel frustrated by this. It's just my life now.  And if it means I have found peace with the sun and my ability to love it, then that's not a very high price to pay.