Going public

All of this melanoma battle to date has occurred on my back.  Obviously an area that I can hide easily if I want to.  The only thing that might have given me away was the first 10 days of bulky bandages after the second excision.  Otherwise, going public was something I did by choice.  No one knew unless I told them.  On Wednesday, I will no longer have that option.

My next two biopsy sites are on my left arm.  They are close together so I'll probably just have a single wound.  I'm going to ask her to try to do a closed excision because of the infection issues I had with the last two open ones.  Either way, I will have a very visible injury to my left forearm just below the inner crease of my elbow.  I know I could wear long sleeves but the thought of doing that in summer makes me miserable.  So, my battle becomes public whether I say something or not.

So, this brings me to the dilemma of what to say when some well meaning stranger makes comment about the bandaged arm.  And worse yet, what do I stay to my brand new students when they ask.  Strangers I'll be very inclined to be honest and direct. I will probably say something like, "I have melanoma (or skin cancer) and the doctor is trying to find out if I have any more sites."  If I'm feeling particularly preach-y that day I may add in that I think my baby oil suntanning days are to blame.  My students are another matter.  I'm not ready to have that conversation yet.  And honestly, I don't feel like they, and their families, need to know.  I think I'll settle with the most believable stretch of the truth and say I hurt myself out running.  And leave it at that.

Am I in denial? Am I afraid to go public?  Maybe yes to both.  And I'm not sure why.