I had two biopsies done on Wednesday morning. Both were on my back. One looked weird and one looked like an early version of the melanoma mole. Even after being diagnosed with melanoma and looking at a mole that was similar, I still believed I'd get two "benign mole" reports. I did...kinda.
The upper mole, closest to the original site was completely benign. No issues, no problems, please pass go and collect your $200 in relief. The other mole was about 6 inches due south. It was the one that had the tinges of pink around the edges, the "I think I've seen this before" mole, the "this doesn't feel right" mole. It turns out the news was good with out being so great. The mole was not melanoma. I should be celebrating right?? Unfortunately, I can't. The mole was labeled "displastic," (spelling??) which means it had started to change, evolve, morph, whatever but wasn't yet skin cancer. Yet! There's no time line for these things. How long until it turned into melanoma? No one knows.
So, how do I view this latest development? I will admit to being crushed. Totally crushed. I had really wanted two benign, don't-waste-our-time moles. I didn't want a well-we-caught-it-before-skin-cancer mole. This development does nothing to ease my worry about not catching a bad mole. I have long told anyone who will listen to me that it isn't the moles that are being biopsied that worry me, it's the one or ones we might miss. And when you are covered in moles and freckles like I am, that statistical possibility is very real.
I recently found a study that said if you have 50 or more moles or freckles, your risk of skin cancer (any type) is increased. Reading this study made me laugh. I read it out loud for my husband when he asked what I was laughing at on my computer. I read it verbatim to him. His serious response was, "What part of your body?" I answered, "Exactly." You see, I can count 50 moles on freckles on most extremities. Each extremity. Seriously. I was blessed in that category. I would come home from high school some days with dot-to-dot designs drawn on my arms. (My mom always knew I was paying attention that day). So, in statistical sense, in light of that study, I'm screwed. The simple odds say that we, the doctors and I might miss one. And that's a crushing thought. Especially in light of these biopsy results.
I was paranoid before about changes I thought I saw in moles. This latest series of results does not help ease my concerns. The easiest solution is digital mapping/photography of every mole. I'm working on that. It's the best way currently to monitor the changes. It isn't perfect and it isn't guaranteed to keep me from developing melanoma again. I can never, ever again assume that because I mole might have looked that way before that it can't kill me. That is the new normal for me. And it still scares the hell out of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment